Thursday, April 21, 2011
Lifelike
Lifelike...
For all those years I was slowly becoming less and less. I have written about my illness before and really don't feel up to doing it again here because I feel so distanced from it now. The meat of it was I almost bled to death. Again, it was slowly happening to me and with life you keep moving, so I didn't have a Uh-oh moment. It's life, you keep going. Until you're stopped.
I was.
Big time. And God saved me. Ask anyone around and they will tell there is no other explanation for me being here. You know something is up when you are in the emergency room and everyone is looking at you like your a ghost! Everyone involved knows it was God. I have been beyond thankful to God for all the wonderful people He has put in my life and keeping me here to show them how wonderful they are. And to let me be here for my kids is something I could never put into words. It's hard to even type this.
I want to go away from that for a bit and touch on something that few have experienced - what it feels like to almost die. Unless you have felt the life leaving you, you will never understand. You can be told and have sympathy for that person, but you can never, and hopefully never will, know what that person feels now...dealing with it.
I don't know how others have dealt with it, all I know is how I am. It does totally mess with your head. You look at things so different, not just the "not letting things get to me" scenario or the "appreciate life" one. It's deeper and scarier. At least for me it is. I know what can happen in a second. Have I become someone filled with "living every moment to it's fullest?" A little. Do I appreciate life more? No. I always appreciated all I had and still do.
What I do feel a loss about is during that time when I was sick, I wasn't all there, the way I like to be.
But now I am.
~I am sorry if I don't reply quickly to email, phone, text, Facebook, Twitter, etc. If I don't, it is not personal towards you. It's that I am BEING there for my kiddos. I am doing things with them that my illness prevented me from doing.
~We have a private school for home schoolers which I love, but with my illness I haven't been as involved as I like, and I am sorry for that. I appreciate the patience and prayers from the families through all of this. It means a lot to me.
~My husband has been the hero. He works full time, goes to college - full time, and takes care of the school business in what time he has left! And I cannot express my love and gratitude to him enough...
I have many friends that have become family. They have helped tremendously! You know who you are and you are so loved!!! It is because of you that I write this. This is to tell you that I have noticed and appreciated your kindness, love and most of all, humor, through it all. Please don't stop!
Lifelike is what I was...was.
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1 comments:
Thank you for sharing Val....
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