Thursday, April 21, 2011
Lifelike
Lifelike...
For all those years I was slowly becoming less and less. I have written about my illness before and really don't feel up to doing it again here because I feel so distanced from it now. The meat of it was I almost bled to death. Again, it was slowly happening to me and with life you keep moving, so I didn't have a Uh-oh moment. It's life, you keep going. Until you're stopped.
I was.
Big time. And God saved me. Ask anyone around and they will tell there is no other explanation for me being here. You know something is up when you are in the emergency room and everyone is looking at you like your a ghost! Everyone involved knows it was God. I have been beyond thankful to God for all the wonderful people He has put in my life and keeping me here to show them how wonderful they are. And to let me be here for my kids is something I could never put into words. It's hard to even type this.
I want to go away from that for a bit and touch on something that few have experienced - what it feels like to almost die. Unless you have felt the life leaving you, you will never understand. You can be told and have sympathy for that person, but you can never, and hopefully never will, know what that person feels now...dealing with it.
I don't know how others have dealt with it, all I know is how I am. It does totally mess with your head. You look at things so different, not just the "not letting things get to me" scenario or the "appreciate life" one. It's deeper and scarier. At least for me it is. I know what can happen in a second. Have I become someone filled with "living every moment to it's fullest?" A little. Do I appreciate life more? No. I always appreciated all I had and still do.
What I do feel a loss about is during that time when I was sick, I wasn't all there, the way I like to be.
But now I am.
~I am sorry if I don't reply quickly to email, phone, text, Facebook, Twitter, etc. If I don't, it is not personal towards you. It's that I am BEING there for my kiddos. I am doing things with them that my illness prevented me from doing.
~We have a private school for home schoolers which I love, but with my illness I haven't been as involved as I like, and I am sorry for that. I appreciate the patience and prayers from the families through all of this. It means a lot to me.
~My husband has been the hero. He works full time, goes to college - full time, and takes care of the school business in what time he has left! And I cannot express my love and gratitude to him enough...
I have many friends that have become family. They have helped tremendously! You know who you are and you are so loved!!! It is because of you that I write this. This is to tell you that I have noticed and appreciated your kindness, love and most of all, humor, through it all. Please don't stop!
Lifelike is what I was...was.
Friday, February 4, 2011
~Beautiful~
It's been so beautiful lately. Weather wise and family wise. Even, yes even, with all of us in different stages of the flu, we are enjoying very beautiful family moments.
We are a homeschooling family in our next chapter. We have two children, one son, 18, in his 2nd semester in college and one daughter, 13, technically in the 7th grade doing 9th grade work. We are watching our children enter into exciting times in their lives and it is beautiful. I was scared at first...the closer it got to our son turning 18 and graduating. I have always taught him...my days always included educating him and then our daughter with him.
Our relationship has changed with him and our daughter. It had too. They are older. And as anxious as I was about it, it is wonderful. I absolutely loved all the stages my kids have gone through. But, this stage...this older stage...is more peaceful. I could probably analyze it and pinpoint tons of reasons for it, but I'm not going to. It just is and I am thankful for it.
They are so involved in everything about life now, not just observing. Wow! It is incredibly breathtaking to see them together. Their conversations, inside jokes and their laughter...their laughter has always melted my heart. We have an absolute blast together! When the four of us plan something, we know something crazy will happen and it usually does. We might help it along...
Don't be afraid of your kids growing older. Enjoy every moment, every stage, every second. When you get to the scary times, breathe, pray & trust God. He has them. Enjoy their steps, all of them. Especially the scary ones because that's when they become stronger and so do you. You'll turn that corner and wonder what in the world were you ever worried about!!!
We all grow older older - doesn't mean we have to quit being goof-balls. That never goes away! We can be stupid together and that is usually our funnest times. And when your kids get older...they provide soooo much more laughing material than you could ever imagine!!!
Example:
Pictures below are evidence.
Location: Downtown Disney in the Walt Disney World Resort complex.
Reason: To celebrate said daughter's 13th birthday. The main stage had a dance competition. Said kids scorffed their Ghirardelli's ice cream and ran to said stage. Dancing then commenced...and so did many tears of laughter.
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| The try-outs begin~put through rigorous dances... |
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| Do I really need to say anything here other than part of the blurriness is me laughing? |
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| They started playing "Single Ladies". 'Nuff said... |
They didn't win...you never win when there are cute little humans flashing smiles at the crowd. But, they did get a lot of fans. Mainly because they were a brother/sister team.
~Beautiful~
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